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Pinch Hitter

21 Feb

I am crazy busy with a work project, so I asked my ever-capable compadre, Shrewby Doobie Do, to send me a little recap after “the boot”, so I could be up to speed as I type the fingerprint markings off my little fingers.  And, deliver she did.  This is about the most hilarious thing I’ve read on AI, save Dave White. 

Warning — it’s Shrew Uncensored.

Starts with Ryan saying that this is the most BUZZed about top 24…how’s that for a spin huh? Then we are treated to craptacular group sing of 60’s medley from hell…guys are in dark suits with ties…girls all look like the fell off the Amy Winehouse re-tread van.

Garrett Booted and sings his swan song.

Fembot657 safe
EyeCandyBot booted. JUSTICE served twice…OH MY MY EARS ARE BLEEDING AGAIN as she murders Connie Francis…who did she blow to get to the top 24?


Random thought… why is this show an hour? I could do this in a 15 minute break.
Oh dear god…Ryan is threatening that Pauler will “shake what Mama Abdul gave her”. I am hoping it is a snow globe, but am fearful that I know all too well that in a few minutes I will be pining for the days when she shook it with a big animated cat in a zoot suit.


Oh for crying outloud…it isn’t even a live performance but her tired over-produced ass video.
Please. Make. It. Stop. At least have the balls to perform live…Winehouse did.

Anemic clapping from a dazzed crowd.


Randy produced it…it premiered on Ryan’s radio show…talk about singing just to hear ourselves.


2nd girl…PlusBot and HNOD to center stage… Everyone on sofa is safe….SHIT
Results after the break


Citicard is about Elf food
Pantene can make you smoother
Petsmart food…15%discount
10,000BC ad…is that a remake of the Raquel Welsh Movie?
Payless shoes
Honda Accord…making over shabby people
Twins Version Fios Ad…HATE THIS ONE
StopNShop Local ad which has more pathos than most AI
WINTERSTORM WARNING CALLING FOR 6 + INCHES OF SNOW FOR US
NEW AMSTERDAM Ad..this is a freakin’ long break

And we’re back
Slice and Dice Ryan calls it


Amanda and PlusBot looking sad and wimpering
Who goes home…Who indeed…………………HNOD is safe
And true to Leftsez…PlusBot goes home. America can NOT get behind a large sister.
I am picketing Congress next week for Fatties everywhere.


PlusBot sings her last prayer…SushiBot, and some random Bot are blubbering…why? They are all crying now….insincere bitches…they should be happy…one step closer to winning.


Last man after the break…


Chikezie and Dingleberry..Dingle looks like he is going to throwup…Chikezie…knows he is deadman walking. WOW…Shocker…Dingleberry is out…Danny Gayman is crying. Chikezie is on the couch doing his best Sanford “Elizabeth, I’m coming” chest grabs.

Pauler offers Dingles encouraging words…and Simon interrupts and says…”Colton get a good job and enjoy singing as a hobby…you are not cut out to sing for a living.” WAY to stomp on the guys dreams in front of all of AMERICA.


Dingle sings E..more crying girls (that includes Danny)


And Tivo commands my cable box over to channel four…

Over and Out

God Bless You, girl.  You saved my life tonight.

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6 Comments

Posted by on February 21, 2008 in american idol

 

6 responses to “Pinch Hitter

  1. brc

    February 22, 2008 at 8:30 am

    OMG Shrew, this is HYSTERICAL.

    And can I just ditto what you said about Paula’s video. It was soooooooooooooooooooooooo bad. Her voice was totally electronically manipulated and the video version of Photoshop was HEAVILY in use. All of her dance moves looked like 1980s Janet Jackson moves.

    And why was there so much crying among the contestants? I think they were crying out of relief that their asses weren’t all sent home!

     
  2. Colette

    February 22, 2008 at 12:13 pm

    This is such a depressing batch…..I’ll repeat from my previous batch some wonderful Top 24 performances there for the pickin’, just to prove this ain’t no “best talent ever” kinda year….

    colette Says:
    February 21, 2008 at 3:02 pm
    BEST SEASON EVER????

    Compare and contrast — Top 24 performances from the two previous seasons, which AI appears to want to obliterate in every way:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngeN8xDgBRY — Taylor Hicks, “Takin’ It to the Streets”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCWGMJfiTBc — Elliot Yamin, “Moody’s MOod for Love”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYb9cs9VR0Q — Ace Young, “Father Figure”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=an3DC79oHOY — Melinda Doolittle, “Since You Been Gone”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZE0vKwDC6Ps&feature=related — Lakisha Jones, “I’m Tell You I’m Not Going”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ftgcg7eykfY — Stephanie Edwards, “How Come You Don’t Call Me?”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8G46JTeZ9g — fantasia, “Somethin’ to Talk About”

     
  3. texan

    February 22, 2008 at 7:31 pm

    …there is no freaking justice in this world.

    I was unable to buy Dylan tickets for his Dallas shows so I stayed home. Lucky me, if I had actually gone to see Dylan I might have missed the black and white Idol groove fest.

    ::sigh::

     
  4. Shrewspeaks

    February 22, 2008 at 8:42 pm

    OMG Texy culture whiplash.

     
  5. music maven

    February 23, 2008 at 10:24 am

    I got to see Keb ‘Mo last night….2nd Row. More to come….

     
  6. weezzy

    January 11, 2009 at 7:05 pm

    First i want to thank you for all the wonderful articles you post. Thanks again for let us spread the love we have for our’s favorites one. Melinda Doolittle are really a talented singer with a big heart of Gold! Without website will be really difficult for any fans to share the great news about them. Thanks.
    FREE SONG FROM AMERICAN IDOL’S MELINDA DOOLITTLE! GO TO http://www.melindadoolittle.com and get it NOW – FREE! New album released on February 3, 2009! Don’t miss it!

     

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